The day before Donald was diagnosed with leukemia, we could tell he didn't feel well, but did not know the extent of his discomfort. Now I know that like me, he has a high pain tolerance. We thought he had shoulder soreness from falling outside, but it was actually pain from the leukemia "blasts" in his collarbone. He was cheerful that day, but only interested in quiet play and sticking very close to Mommy. Part of me sometimes wishes that I had taken him to the doctor sooner, that I had done something to relieve his pain sooner. Can't beat myself up for something I didn't know. I just didn't know.
I knew something was wrong for more than a month. Lets choose to be grateful that we caught it at all. There never is a 'right' time to catch the onset of leukemia. The treatment is the same for the most part whether it is diagnosed the same day it starts its awful growth,~or when there is only 6% good cells found or left in the body...
ReplyDeleteWe have to choose not to think those beat me up thoughts...i know...i do it too!
I think it is a good idea to keep a journal. Even for my almost adult kid. He doesn't care now, but it can be invaluable to him in the future.
I think all mothers end up feeling this way. I have similar thoughts about "catching" that Austin had cerebral palsy when he was little. But I couldn't have changed anything, even if he had been diagnosed sooner.
ReplyDeleteIt is just because as a mother, you love your child more than you love yourself. Jesus understands.
Big hugs to you!